Back to School Stress When Coparenting
Let’s be real — back-to-school season is never just about new backpacks and lunchboxes. For co-parents? It’s a full-blown logistical circus layered with emotional landmines.
You’ve got uniform shopping, PE kits, haircuts, forgotten shoe sizes… all while trying to coordinate with someone who might not reply to a text but will 100% show up late on the first day of term.
If September makes your stomach churn, this is for you.
If you’re co-parenting, especially during or post-divorce, the school year doesn’t feel like a fresh start. It feels like a test you didn’t revise for.
You might be:
Still living in the same house as your ex, where the tension makes even the simplest routines feel overwhelming.
Wondering if you’re the only one worrying about actual school prep while your ex is “winging it”.
Trying to hold it together at drop-off while your child clings to you because transitions still feel wobbly.
And all of this before 8:30am.
You’re not failing. You’re navigating an already stressful season with double the complexity and half the emotional bandwidth.
Boundaries Aren’t Mean — They’re Your Seatbelt
School term = more handovers, tighter schedules, and more chance for your ex to “forget” something important.
If you're dealing with:
Last-minute swaps (“I thought it was your day”)
Passive-aggressive texts at 10pm
Backpacks being returned empty (or not at all)
...you need boundaries that hold, not ones that rely on them being reasonable.
Here’s what that could look like:
A shared calendar with deadlines for requests or swaps.
A default plan (“if it’s not agreed 48 hrs ahead, it’s a no”).
Scripts for boundary-setting that don’t start a war.
Back-to-School Tips
Put the Child at the Centre – Not in the Middle
Back to school is all about the children – their routines, their friendships, their learning. It’s easy to slip into conflict about who bought the school shoes or who forgot the reading diary, but if you keep the focus on what they need to feel calm and settled, it helps to lower the emotional temperature.
Tip: Ask yourself, “What would make this easier for them?” not “Who’s right here?”
2. Share the Practicalities Early
Children thrive on routine – and so do co-parents. Whether you use a shared calendar app or a good old-fashioned wall planner, get clear on who is doing what before the term starts. This includes:
Drop-offs and pick-ups
Parents’ evenings and school events
Who’s paying for what (uniforms, school meals, clubs)
Homework help and reading routines
Clarity prevents conflict. Surprises do not.
3. Keep Communication Calm and Business-like
Treat back-to-school coordination like a work project. Keep messages short, clear and focused on the child. If your ex sends a passive-aggressive message about “forgetting the PE kit again”, don’t bite. Respond like a colleague, not a wounded partner.
Example: “Thanks for the reminder about PE , I’ll make sure it’s packed on my days.”
You’re not being a pushover. You’re choosing peace for your child and for yourself.
Ready to Make This School Year Less of a Minefield?
If your nervous system is already in high alert mode and you’re googling “how to survive co-parenting with a difficult ex” during lunch breaks… you're not alone. And you don’t have to keep white-knuckling it.
Explore The Co-Parenting Roadmap: my 12-week programme that helps you stop reacting and start leading. Even if your ex never changes, you can.
