How to Reduce Conflict in Your Divorce
Divorce can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, one minute you’re powering through, the next you’re completely overwhelmed. There’s so much to think about: legal stuff, financial changes, parenting, emotions all while trying to keep life going. It’s a lot.
But one thing that can make a massive difference? Keeping conflict to a minimum. Easier said than done, I know but it’s worth it. Less conflict means less stress, more clarity, and a much better foundation for whatever comes next. Please note, some of these will NOT work for abusive partners or narcissistic types as you need alternative strategies for them!
Here are some practical ways to help reduce conflict and keep things as calm and constructive as possible:
1. Try a Bit of Empathy
When you’re in the thick of it, empathy might feel like the last thing you want to offer your ex. But honestly, it’s one of the most powerful ways to dial things down. You don’t have to agree with them, just try to see things from their side now and then. It helps take the heat out of tricky conversations and shows you’re willing to keep things respectful. That doesn’t mean giving up your own needs, it just means being human about it.
2. Don’t Fight Every Battle
Not everything is worth the stress. Pick your battles and focus your energy on what really matters, especially when it comes to your children or big future decisions. Letting go of the small stuff isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom. It helps keep your head clear for what truly needs your attention.
3. Keep Communication Calm and Clear
When things are tense, it’s easy to fire off a message or say something in the heat of the moment. Try to take a breath. Write things down first if that helps. Keep it short, clear, and calm. If speaking face-to-face or on the phone is too hard right now, stick to written communication for the more sensitive stuff. You’ll feel more in control, and things are less likely to spiral.
4. Set Boundaries That Work for You
Boundaries are vital. You’re not being harsh, you’re protecting your space and peace of mind. Whether it’s agreeing not to talk about certain topics, setting limits on calls or visits, or just saying “I need some space,” boundaries help stop the drama before it starts. They’re not about shutting people out – they’re about making your interactions manageable and respectful.
(I’ve got a blog post all about setting boundaries if you want to go deeper on this.)
5. Focus on Where You’re Heading
It’s so easy to get stuck in the past, all the “what ifs” and “they never” and “I should have.” But constantly looking back only keeps you stuck. Start looking ahead. What kind of future do you want? What’s best for your kids? Making decisions with your future in mind helps shift your mindset and steer away from blame.
6. Get Support If You Need It
Trying to figure this all out on your own can be exhausting. A divorce coach (like me) can give you clarity, emotional support, and some practical steps that actually help. If you’re dealing with bigger disagreements, mediation might also be a better route than going straight to solicitors. Less conflict = less cost and less emotional chaos.
7. Don’t Forget to Look After Yourself
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself helps you stay calmer, clearer, and more grounded and that really matters when things get tough. Whether it’s a walk, some yoga, journaling, or just time with a friend make space for what fills you up.
(I’ve written another blog about managing emotions during divorce – worth a read if you’re feeling all over the place.)
Managing conflict is essential in your divorce and I have an entire unit of just this in both my Divorce Compass and Co-Parenting Roadmap packages, including very difficult personalities! Find out more below.
