When your ex introduces a new partner
When your ex brings a new partner into the picture, it can stir up a whole mix of emotions, not just for you, but for your children too. It's a big change, and while you can't always control how or when it happens, you can support your children through it in a way that helps them feel secure, heard and loved.
Here are some gentle, practical ways to help your children adjust when your ex introduces someone new:
1. Keep the Conversation Open
Talk to your children honestly (and in a way that’s right for their age) about what’s happening. Let them know it’s okay to have mixed feelings. They might be curious, confused, upset, or even excited. Try not to shy away from the topic; instead, show them that you’re always there to listen and support them.
2. Let Them Feel What They Feel
There’s no ‘right’ reaction for your children to have. They might love the idea of a new partner, or they might really struggle with it. Either way, let them know it’s okay to feel whatever comes up. Be calm, kind, and reassuring, even if what they say is hard to hear.
3. Keep Their World as Steady as Possible
Kids feel safer when they know what to expect. So even if everything feels a bit upside down, try to keep their routines going such as same bedtime, regular meals, their usual activities. It helps give them a sense of normality when other things are changing. If you are struggling, you might want to read my blog post on ‘My ex met someone new’.
4. Try to Stay Calm About Your Ex’s Choices
Here’s a tough one: you don’t get a say in whether your children spend time with your ex’s new partner (unless there are safeguarding concerns). That can feel really hard, especially if things have moved quickly, but it’s part of letting go of what you can’t control. What you can do is try to have a respectful conversation with your ex about how best to introduce new partners in a child-friendly way. Ideally, you’ll be able to agree some ground rules that put the kids first.
5. Help the New Relationship Develop Gently
If things are feeling okay on your side, you can gently encourage your children to get to know your ex’s new partner at their own pace. No pressure, just small, relaxed moments like a casual day out or shared meal can go a long way. And if this part feels impossible for you right now, that’s completely valid too.
6. Be the Example
Your children will look to you for cues on how to handle this change. If they see you being calm, kind, and respectful (even if it’s just on the surface!), they’ll take that in. You’re showing them how to deal with change and big feelings in a healthy way and that’s a gift they’ll carry with them.
7. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Support
This is a big adjustment for you too. You don’t have to have all the answers or carry it alone. Chatting things through with a friend, family member or someone like me, who understands the divorce journey and exactly what you are going through, can make a huge difference.
8. Look After You, Too
Lastly, make time for yourself. Whether it’s a walk, a bath, a good book, or just five quiet minutes with a cuppa. Self-care isn’t selfish. It gives you the energy and strength to show up for your children in the way they need.
Final Thoughts
Introducing a new partner is a delicate step in any post-divorce journey. It can feel overwhelming, but with empathy, open communication and a focus on your children’s emotional wellbeing, you can help them feel safe and supported. Remember, you’re not on your own.
