Coping When Your Ex Takes the Kids Away
One of the hardest parts of separated parenting, especially early on, is when your child goes away on holiday with your ex, and you’re left at home. It can bring up all kinds of emotions: sadness, jealousy, loneliness, fear, even resentment.
It’s not just that you miss them (although that ache is real). It’s the silence in the house, the sudden space in your routine, and the feeling of not being needed in the same way. It can stir up old grief about your family life not turning out the way you hoped.
So how do you get through it?
1. Acknowledge What You're Feeling (Without Judgement)
You don’t have to pretend you’re fine. Missing your children is not a weakness — it’s love. Feeling left out, anxious or a bit lost is completely normal.
Instead of pushing the emotions away, try naming them: “I feel sad.” “I feel unimportant.” “I feel alone.” That simple act helps to soften the emotional load.
2. Reframe the Time Alone
I know its easier said than done but this time without your child can also be a chance to focus on you.
You’ve been in survival mode. Now you have space to rest, reconnect with yourself, and do things that are hard to do when parenting full-time.
Think: What’s something I’ve not done in ages that used to make me feel like me?
Even small things help: A long walk with no interruptions. Reading a book you choose. Seeing a friend for an unhurried coffee. Watching your own Netflix shows. Let the quiet be a little bit healing.
3. Relinquish the Control
You may be tempted to arrange times to speak to your children while they are away but this can be challenging, especially if your ex is being awkward or you are trying to connect too much! When they are away with the other parent, it is THEIR time with them and you have to relinquish some control. It can be hard for them to hear your voice too. One minute they are having a great time and next minute they are suddenly reminded that you are home alone and that can upset them. There is also nothing more heart breaking than arranging a time to speak to your children and they don’t want to because they are too busy having fun! My advice is don’t arrange a specific time but if you are on reasonable terms with your ex, hopefully you can have an arrangement that if the children want to, they can ring you. Or the other parent can send you an update via text for reassurance.
4. Be Mindful of the Stories You Tell Yourself
When your child is away, your mind can wander:
“What if they forget about me?”
“They’re having a better time with their dad than with me.”
“I’m being replaced.”
These are painful thoughts — but they’re not facts.
The truth is: Children can love and enjoy time with both parents. That doesn’t lessen your importance. You are still their anchor, even when you’re apart.
5. Have a Plan for the Loneliest Moments
Evenings and bedtimes can feel the hardest. Plan little rituals or distractions to soothe you:
Watch a great film
Journal what you’re feeling
Call a friend who gets it
Arrange time to spend with friends or family while you can get out child-free
You don’t need to be productive — just gentle with yourself.
6. Focus on the Reunion
The countdown to their return can help keep perspective. Think about how you’ll welcome them home — not with a big fuss, but with open arms and calm presence. And although it might be hard for you, let them tell you about what a great time they had so they don’t feel guilty about it.
When they walk back through the door, you’ll still be their safe place.
💛 Final Thought
This phase is hard — there’s no sugar-coating that. But you’re doing something incredibly brave: letting your child have a healthy relationship with both parents, even when it hurts. That is strength.
And in the meantime, you’re also rebuilding your life, rediscovering who you are, and learning how to care for yourself — not just as a parent, but as a person.
You’re not alone in this. You’re doing better than you think.
If your relationship with your co-parent isn’t great and would like to improve things, you can get my free guide on ways to improve your co-parenting relationship using the link below.
